I have been horribly MIA from my blog online, and I am sorry. I constantly talk about how I want to blog but truthfully I just never get around to it. So here I am writing my first post of 2018, sitting in a library in Valencia, Spain.
January 3rd, 2018, I posted a before and during transformation picture of me in a pink shirt, and it was reposted by a very large transformation Instagram. From then on.. it was a grapevine of reposts, and before I knew it, I had become inspiration for someone else. Months before surgery even was a thought, I followed accounts similar to mine now, but never did I think I would have the impact on others, that they had on me. I am so honored to have such an amazing support system, such an amazing following, and such inspiring people to surround myself with. I have been receiving more and more similar messages on my Instagram DM’s. (Which I am trying VERY HARD to reply to!)
Here are some of the most reoccurring questions that I will be hoping to cover soon in my blog:
What are my workouts?
How do I workout without a gym?
What does my daily routine look like?
What do I eat in a day?
Why did I pick RNY?
How do I stay motivated?
and the Number one question
HOW did I do it?
How………. well
It is NOT a short answer. I did it first with God and my family and my absolute best-friends. I have not done it yet, and I never will do it. I will always be doing it. This is my journey, this is my life, this is an adventure, not a diet, not a fad, not an easy 2 week cleanse.
Secondly, I had a massive realization in January of 2017. People always told me, if you want to lose weight, YOU have to really be the one to want to. I never understood it, until it really hit me.
So, I walked up to my car, opened my door, and sat down. I looked down. I started to ball crying. My stomach was being squished between the steering wheel and my body, almost as if it was like an extra add on to my body. The best way I can describe how I felt, is to say that it felt like I had a very very large donut strapped around my lower abdomen.
I have had horrible things said to me, and about me. “MC is twice/three times a normal persons size. MC is named MC after McDonalds.” The words Fat Ass have haunted me. Like anyone that is alive, I have lived, in saying that I mean NO one is perfect, everyone has said something they regret, or that is hurtful. I have have been picked on.. but who hasn’t? The reason I am writing about this is because bullying really took a toll on me while growing up. While it really killed me, my own judgment of myself killed me more. I think I was able to cope with other people talking about me because I never believed it was true. One day, in January, in my car, it hit me. It hit me so hard. I ate less than anyone I knew because I had the lap-band, and I was still gaining weight. I was killing myself. I was eating myself to death. I had horrible knee pains, I had gained 30 lbs. in that month alone. I needed help. My cortisol, thyroid, and blood pressure were awful, my metabolism was SHOT because of the horrible eating habits I had taught myself from the lap-band. Lastly, my mental state was at an all time low. I did not want to do anything but cry about it.
I had been speaking to my doctors for a while about the gastric bypass, but years prior. I was torn between a rock and hard spot. Part of me knew I needed to have surgery as soon as possible, but then the other part of me, wanted to be with my best-friend studying abroad in Spain (which mind you was already paid for and registered). January 12th I spoke to my sister Lauren on the phone and she said, “MC, Spain will always be there, but surgery will not.” I spoke to my best friend later that day and she cried because she was so happy for me. She supported me. January 17th, my mom and I committed to making the biggest decision of my life. She supported me.
Which is the third part of how I am doing it: I had the gastric bypass surgery.
Now let me stress how many people DID NOT support this decision of mine:
initially… almost 95% of everyone I told.
Why? Well, the gastric bypass is a risky surgery. It also comes with many complications if you are not caring to your body, and if you are not serious about weight loss it could be actually quite a harmful surgery in the long hall.
I had to go to 3 months of therapy with a psychologist, nutritionist, physical therapist, and meet with my doctor many times. Lastly I had to go on a pain in the butt diet before and AFTER the surgery. Fast forward to after surgery (my blogs can kinda sorta fill you in :)
The fourth way of HOW I am doing it:
I do my research, and I fuel my body with what MY body needs. I am not going to lie, I have done my fair share of stalking many gastric bypass Instagrams and blogs. I like learning from true experiences, rather from something that is just text book. I listen to nutritional books, but everyone is so different and doctors have different methods for different patients. I have dumping from mayonnaise, and peanut butter, but I'm sure many people don't have that. I live by a mind, body, soul, theory. It is so important to not only focus on your eating but to work hard on your mind and soul throughout a journey like this. I was given a second chance to live again. Why would I not take advantage of the fact that I can start over. Gastric bypass has helped me because I eat less and now when I start to eat something unhealthy I remember very quickly what the repercussions are. I am lucky that I had the surgery. Many people will argue that surgery “did it for me” but as for my own personal belief, I LOST the weight, and the surgery has helped me immensely, NO doubt. I tried to loose weight without the surgery. I lost 70 lbs, and gained 120lbs back. My entire life it was a never ending cycle of ups and downs emotionally, and physically with my weight. I control what goes into my body, and I chose what I eat (I will discuss this in another blog soon as well:) Working out is also something I have to do, or I will not be successful, and see a physical change. I think working out is something that sort of grows on you.. Honestly I still hate it, but it is more so now a hate LOVE relationship. I hate it at first and then love it after I am done. Lastly, journaling is something that has always been apart of my life. Journaling is actually the way I found my way to my name of, “mclivinit”.
The fifth way of HOW I am doing it:
Music, songwriting, and prayer.
I have this new found passion for singing worship songs by Hillsong. I have always been told that singing is like praying twice. I love to sing, and it think their music is so unbelievably beautiful. I don’t know where my love for it came from, their music is what gets stuck in my head all of the time. I love music. Music keeps me sane. I go to Berklee, and honestly being back in a musical environment is such an incredible feeling. I missed being able to just walk over to a piano and play it. I missed being able to step into my own practice room and sing as loud as possible.
The 6th way of HOW I am doing it:
Social Media. Sounds crazy, I know. While it sounds nuts, it has its own community. my blog keeps me accountable. Instagram inspires me. I love getting on Instagram and checking the newest transformation pictures from some of the people that are just starting their journey. While I am away in Europe, social media is a wonderful way for me to have “support groups” online, and from afar. I get tons of my at home workouts and yummy DIY recipes from Pinterest. (I will discuss that in further detail in another blog soon :) I want to inspire people with my story, just like I was inspired by other peoples stories. I keep a blog because it keeps me sane.;
I was given a second chance at life. You can have your second chance too. You have to be the one to make the choice to make the change, for YOU. Do it for YOU, because YOU can do it. and as my mommy has always told me,
“Today is the first day of the rest of your life, if you don't try you have already failed.”
(she also says “DORITOS ARE HEALTHY”… but I wasn't going to mention that lol)