3.15.18

A blog about 3.15.17.

 2 days before surgery

I am feeling so many mixed emotions right now it is unbelievable. I remember this day like it was yesterday. One year ago today.. I had the biggest emotional break down of my entire life. Lauren Solomon, my sister, was holding me on my bed in Mexico, while I balled crying to her about how I was conflicted. I was unsure. I was scared. I was terrified of the unknown. I was fearful. Realizing soon after that darkness is the absence of light, and fear is simply the absence of faith. I wasn't trusting in God because I was terrified of not knowing what would happen in my future.

My fears also being: "What if I can never eat normally again? What am I going to do at my wedding when I can't drink champagne? What if all of my hair really does fall out? Why can't I just be normal and eat what normal people eat? I just don't understand." 

These thoughts flooded my mind and crowded my perception. People ask me, what were your doubts going into surgery.. well.. there they were. Lauren looked and reminded me to trust in what my grandfather has always told her. The big W and the little w, God's will and your will. There was my second chance at life, and I didn't know when else this could be a possibility. 

It hit me that night. I finally could see a light. I could visualize a possitive, yet scary, uneven, and windy road. A marathon not a sprint. A journey and not a diet. A life. A REAL, second chance to be healthy. I called my mom... and at 8:19 pm, we scheduled my appointment for March 29, 2017 at 7 am. ( THE BIG DAY *remember that?)

crazy how time has flown by. Honestly these past few weeks have been tough on me. I have not been my healthiest, yet I have not gained weight. I have been honest on my blog. I have shown y'all everything I have eaten. I have stress eaten.. I have BINGE eaten. I have craved, and caved. You name it, I have a name for it, and I've done it. My point being, sometimes I get so bothered by arguments, and tough situations I am surrounded by. I question why I am put in the ruts that I am in. I wonder why me? I think about what my life coulda woulda shoulda... and then I look back. It all happens for a reason.  Remember when I questioned the gastric bypass and almost didn't have surgery? Guess what?  THIS... blog would not be a thing. I would not be in Spain. You would not be reading this. I am not sure why, but EVERYTHING happens for a reason. Funny enough recently, someone that was dear to us said, Man plans, God laughs. It is really ironic isn't it?* ;) I am blessed to be surrounded by the most wonderful, strong, incredible family and best friends in the world. I am blessed for the life I have. I need to remind myself, that everything happens for a reason, and it will all work itself out. Do not be be fearful, have faith. 

** Oh and don't forget ( Karma will bite cha in the bootyyyy) 

Striving for progress not perfection

HI!! 

My past four months have been absolutley life changing. 

Over the summer I have been working very hard physically and mentally to be the best I can be. 

Before I left for Greece, I had honestly only worked out probably 10 times since surgery (including walks). My inspiration to workout only came about recently when, I realized that while having a small stomach is great, I have to remember,  "calories in, calories out." Meaning, while I still will probably loose weight without working out, eventually I will plateau and get stuck. Not only has working out helped me continue with a somewhat steady weightloss, it has mentally been wonderful for me. I do find myself constantly in a battle with myself. I always try to make up an excuse to not workout, but once I force myself to workout, I feel amazing.

One thing that has really changed recently is my energy level. While I do workout, have a routine, and eat healthy, at the end of the day, I am exhausted. I am still not sure why my body shuts off around 8 or 9pm on days that I workout, but it annoys me. I used to be able to go out with my friends and hangout and sing until 4 am. While I could still do so, I am literally almost a zombie by 10 or 11pm. I think it is just my body's way of saying, you need rest. I do find  myself having very extreme workout weeks, and then some very pathetic weeks where I cheat and have foods I should not and make excuses to not workout.

I am realllllly lucky to have the trainers that I do. I workout often with @CoachRayRay at ASD Dallas. I find that when I train with him my body gets so sore. (BEST SORE) We will work on body parts that I had no idea existed... haha. His workouts remind me of 1 hour boot camps, with intervals of cardio. After just a week of going to ASD I can physically notice a difference in my body. I love working on toning. Shifting gears..... Tim, my hero, agent, trainor, and practically uncle, kicks my butt. Our workouts range from pushing football sleds, to doing squats, to jogging, to doing high knees. When we workout, I feel like I really get in a lot of my cardio. Lastly I have been working with my good friend Claire Coggins. She has personally calculated everything out for me and our workouts, and always challenges me. We workout on every part of my body, but focus on weight lifting and use the HIIT training theory. On top of working with these awesome people, I try to walk. I find that while I say that, I do not... SO I purposefully will make little changes. Something as small as parking at the end of the parking lot, taking the stairs over an elevator, and even walking around the mall to shop to get in my steps, makes a significant change! 

What do yall do to keep you energized throughout the day after a workout?? I drink water, take my vitamins, and am fairly healthy.. so I really would love your advice!!!!!

What drives you?

WOW, I cannot believe that it has already been 6 weeks since my surgery. I feel like just yesterday I was sitting in Baylor Hospital prepping for "the big day". 

This week was great. I went on my first road trip since surgery. Now, I know many of you are thinking.. uh why would that matter?

SO, let me ask you:

When you go on road trips what do you do?

Do you take pit stops? Do you sleep? Do you scream are we there yet and annoy the living daylight out of your family and friends?

Well in my family, whenever we drive down to Houston we always stop at Bucee's. We would walk in to the gas station with our sweatpants on, hair in tangles up in buns, get the largest drinks, and most delicious (unhealthy) snacks to munch on. I can honestly say that not once in my life have I looked at the calorie content in each of the snack bags. I DEFFINITLEY never thought about how many grams of sugar were in a soda. I know you continue to read this and wonder why I am going on about Bucee's, here is why. This past weekend when we drove to Houston, I packed my own food. We did not stop at Bucee's. I had will power. Yes, we did stop at a gas station in between, and yes my brother got unhealthy snacks, but for the first time in my life, I did not crave them. It sounds so simple, but for me, this was a monumental moment in my life. Just like that, I knew the trip would be fabulous. 

It started off with a bang. I got to see my lovely cousins in Houston. My cousin Isabela, and I danced through Saturday night,(I got 15,000 steps) and it was honestly the most fun I think I have ever had. Sunday we all went to mass, and had a bbq for lunch. While everyone ate burgers for the meal, I focused on my goals. I served myself turkey, with grain mustard, a small low fat babybell cheese, and 4 olives. I know.. that kind of sounds terrible, but I was so satisfied, and not to mention.. so full.. A concept in which i'm not sure I will never fully understand!!! 

We drove back to Dallas late that night and continued on with the week. My weeks recently have consisted of the same things. I wake up, make breakfast, drink water 30 minutes after (with the gastric bypass process this is CRUCIAL), workout, help TAKE STOCK!!, eat?, drive around dallas, do squats, shower, eat again somewhere in there, and sleep.

This Wednesday there was a great change of pace. While I did continue to go about my day, I also had time to stop by Septien. Ever since I can recall, Septien has been my safe haven. I practically grew up there. When I was a kid I attended summer camps, and took lessons often. I learned to sing, act, and dance. With that, I learned the truest form of expressing myself while doing what I love. When I was 9, Remington recorded my first cover, Love you I do, by dream girls. Since then, he has recorded, and help me incredibly. Even to this day, I belive he is one of the most talented songwriters and producers I know. His mother, Linda Septien, is a powerhouse in the music industry, but more importantly such an incredible role model for me. Visiting yesterday made me realize that I really need to start kicking it in gear with my music again. I have not sang in over a month because my surgery has really taken a toll on my diaphragm. Thankfully visiting Septien has reminded me that I can do it. 

Over the past 6 weeks I have been through a lot. My entire life has changed, for the best. Throughout my process, out of all the weeks, this week has been the best week I have had yet. While change sometimes sucks, and cravings are the worst, I am slowly starting to recognize the love I have for myself, my music, and my life. I saw this week how much music has truthfully always been my passion. I felt a rush of inspiration to perform again after Wednesday night. I could not be more excited and ready for my future. If you had one thing which would inspire you to keep going in life.. what would it be? Better yet, what keeps you going now.. is it your passion?

“Recorded at Septien for an audition, by Remington. Originally sang by Tori Kelly. Cover by MC. ”